Cake Is Better Burned 1: Don't Maud off to Me
by Drop The Act. Put On A Smile
Summary: In this series, Cake Mix, our unlikely protagonist goes through a series of unfortunate events. That YOU decide! He can fail at romance, job interviews, small things, or even world shattering events! In this episode, Cake meets and falls in love with Maud Pie, Pinkie's older sister. Will he succeed? Or fail? You decide! Rated T for well... Teeness? RnR! Cover by Drop The Act.
1. The Cake Isn't A Lie

**Hello everypony! And welcome to my new installment and series "Cake is Better Burned" In this episode, our protagonist, Cake Mix is featured in a two-part story of really awkward moments and boring romance. **

**In the end, Cake truly doesn't know how to speak to women/mares.**

**This is my beginning chapter, so after this, you'll be saying what Cake does and when!**

**Begin!**

**-THIS IS A LINE-**

The grey earth pony mare looked at the five other mares and one stallion.

Then looked down.

At a rock.

The mare lowers her nose towards it and gives it a couple of sniffs. "Hm… Sedimentary." Saying this caused everypony else, with the exception of Pinkie, to glance at each other.

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash was the first to speak… well make a sound towards this mare.

"This is a sedimentary rock." Maud deadpanned.

Well.

This caused the one stallion in the group to facehoof. Incognito of course, can't have her take offense.

Twilight started speaking in an awkward tone, glancing at her five other friends. "That's… really fascinating, isn't it, girls? Cake? We're just so thrilled you could come for a visit before your big trip. Pinkie Pie has told us so much about you! I'm Twilight, and this is Applejack, Cake Mix, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity." Twilight said, giving off a lame smile as did her other friends. Cake just stood there, face still meeting hoof.

Maud just looked between all of them, not letting out a single word.

"We're ever so glad to meet you!" Fluttershy said quietly, enthusiastically. At least she's trying guys! Come on.

"We're just gonna have the best time!" Applejack said next, receiving nods from everypony else.

"Bored…" Cake muttered to himself, receiving no negative looks which means he went unheard.

"Pinkie Pie tells me you share my love for fashion." Rarity said, looking expectantly at Maud.

In which, Maud looked back towards Rarity, no hints of a smile on her face, and spoke in a monotone voice. "I'm really into expressing myself through my wardrobe."

You could just hear the million facehooves going through Cake's mind as he just stared at the mare.

You see, he was the only one that did not agree with the whole "Rock Candy Besties" thing. Sure, he was all up for meeting somepony new, but when candy is added in the ordeal, he's out. That, and the fact she is just boring. Who can stay in that tone of voice for this long?! Seriously.

"A-and what is the delightful frock you're wearing now saying?" Rarity finished, a wretchedly forced smile crawling on to her face.

Maud looked at Rarity again and gave a sigh before speaking in that ever boring voice again. "It doesn't talk, it's a dress."

"O-oh, yes, o-of course! I just… I just meant the frock is… just…" She begins sputtering nothing and shuts up entirely.

Suddenly, Winona appears next to Maud and barks, a happy smile crossing her face. This gave Applejack and idea and decided to speak up. "Oh! This here's Winona, that's Owlowiscious, Tank, Opal, Angel Bunny, and uh… Cake? Where's your ant?" Applejack questioned, looking at the stallion in question.

"His name is Granite… and he's in Rarity's mane." He said calmly, with a shrug.

Yeah.

"What?! Oh good heavens! Get this filthy creature out of my hair!" Rarity suddenly screamed out, using her hooves to shake about her head. Somehow, her mane staying perfectly fine.

You could barely see the small speck fly out of her hair and into Cake's hooves. "Now little dude, what did I say about crawling into her mane? You know she freaks out." Cake said, looking sternly at the small insect.

I swear, you could see it lower it's antennas in shame.

Applejack stared crossly at Cake for a few more good seconds before continuing to speak again. "Well all that put aside, Pinkie here told use ya had a pet too." Applejack said, still recovering from the weird Pony/Ant duo.

Rarity, finally calmed down enough to speak. Just not all the way yet. "U-um… Yes darling, I would like to know where he or she is as well." She asked taking a couple of breathes.

Maud looked towards everypony else, after her attention was stolen by the strange stallion. A seriously small, no way in heck you could notice, seriously fricken tiny, smile graced her features. "Oh. He's in my pocket."

This caused Fluttershy to form a huge smile on her face. "Oh! You have a pocket pet? Like a tiny mouse? Or a baby bird? Or a trained butterfly?" She said quite quickly quietly.

Maud looked at the pegasus. Then everypony else yet again. "It's a rock-" she pulls out a small pebble "-his name is boulder." She deadpanned.

Pinkie Pie suddenly started speaking out of nowhere as if she almost didn't have a role in this part of this fanfic. "This is going to be the best, most awesome, funnest week ever! I can't wait for us all to become bestest friends!"

This caused the other girls in the group to nervously laugh.

Cake Mix?

"You know funnest and bestest ain't words right?"

Pinkie just glared at the stallion.

"Well neither is ain't!" She stuck her tongue out at him. The other girls, and Maud waiting for his response.

"Touché Pinkie." He said, putting on a challenge considered face.

He then shrugged.

He, along with everypony else, began walking back to the picnic area. Maud sat closest to Pinkie, of course.

Cake sat, off of the cloth.

Which raised eyebrows from both Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

"Um? Sugarcube? You know you could just-" Applejack began.

"-Sit with us right?" Rainbow finished for her.

Cake looked between the two mares, and rolled his eyes.

"I really hate getting anything dirty, and I'm not about to sit on a blanket with my dirty hooves. It's disgusting." Cake said cynically.

Well, now both Applejack and Rainbow are rolling their eyes.

Anyhow, Applejack gave up on her confusing friend and turned towards Maud and began speaking. "Maud? Would you like ta try one of Granny Smith's famous apple spiced muf-" Her mouth was covered by a hoof.

She turned to look at who had stopped her from talking, who would of known… None other than Cake.

"Don't. Say. That. Word." He said carefully, staring directly into Applejack's eyes.

If he wasn't assaulted by flying muffins.

Apparently, Tank was flying about and hit the basket, which in turn caused the muffins to fly towards him.

He was now laying on the ground, a panicked look on his face. He began speaking again. "As long as no one say that word we're oka-"

"This muffin is crunchy." Maud said, taking bites of one of the rocks from Rarity's hat.

Suddenly. As if it were possible. The temperature around them dropped fifty degrees.

"Oh sweet Celestia Maud. What. Have. You. Done." Cake said with utter panic. He tried desperately to get out of the muffin pile, to no avail.

"MUFFINS!" A shout came from utterly nowhere and a grey pegasi slammed into Cake with a force times that of the friendship-laser they fired at Chrysalis. They landed in a bush nearby.

The pegasus began eating fruitfully as if she had been starving herself intentionally waiting for this day… Wait… Skinny body frame… Gaunt cheeks… Buck… That is EXACTLY what she did.

"I am not into this! At least ask me out first! Oh Celestia not there!"

"Don't ya'll reckon we should help him?" Applejack said, less worried than one would expect.

Rainbow Dash put on a thoughtful face. Not for long though. "Nah. He'll be fine."

This caused everypony to laugh to their hearts content. Minus Maud, who only had yet ANOTHER small smile grace her face.

Rainbow Dash, wiping a tear from her face from laughter, turned towards Maud and began speaking. "So? Pinkie tells us you play games?"

Maugh raised an eyebrow slightly at this assumption and pulled out Boulder again. "Well, Boulder and I sometimes play a game called 'Camouflage'. It's kind of like hide and seek but _way_ more intense." She said. Almost sounding excited about something.

"Uh… Awesome?" Rainbow Dash said/questioned.

Cake mix came crawling back up to the group. Crumbs of muffins hanging from his body.

"No Rainbow… Not awesome… Me and Granite played this game… The pain..."

**Timeskip**

The sounds of rocks landing could be heard in the field of grass and rocks/pebbles.

Twilight stuck her head out of a mass of rocks and looked at everypony. "Um… Any luck?" She asked, receiving negatives from everypony.

Fluttershy spoke her negativity. "I truly wish I'd spent more time with Boulder, because I'm having a hard time remembering what he looks like." She said quietly, tossing a rock behind her.

"It's like looking for a pebble in a haystack." Applejack said, kicking a few rocks out of her way.

"More like a pile of pebbles." Rarity complained, rocking her head enough to knock off another rock from her hat.

"Well, you don't have to make it even harder." Applejack said, kicking Rarity's rock away as to not get confused. Not that hard if you ask me, they are transparent, kind of.

"This is the most annoying thing ever… WORSE than burnt cake…" Cake said grumbling as he lifted yet another pile of pebbles, only to flick them off of his hoof if it wasn't Boulder. None of them were.

"I agree with Cake. This is impossible!" Rainbow Dash said, jumping out of her pile of rocks.

Twilight sighed as she looked at her friends giving up. "Come on guys! It'll hurt Maud's feelings if we all stop playing. Besides, look how much fun Pinkie Pie's having." She said, pointing a hoof at the pink mare.

"Ooh! Is this him? Is this him? Is this him?" She asked, over and over as she lifted rock after rock after… boulder after rock.

"Just a little longer alright? Please?" Twilight pleaded.

The other five sighed.

"Ugh. Alright. Fine…/Really?" Applejack and Rainbow Dash said simultaneously, and began their search for Boulder again.

Both Fluttershy and Rarity made inaudible comments.

"Oh. Looks like Granite found him." Maud said, mildly surprised, as the ant mentioned crawled out of her pocket revealing Boulder. The ant crawled off of her rock and began making his way towards Cake.

"Oh come on! He was in your pocket the whole time?!" Rainbow Dash began, only to be interrupted by Fluttershy. Not rudely of course.

"Um… I don't mean to interrupt, but we really should get these little critters home. It's getting awfully late, and they've had a very busy day." She said softly.

Meanwhile, in the background.

"Are you bucking kidding me?! In her pocket! Granite! I didn't even know you were playing!" Cake shouted, giving himself plenty of facehooves.

Granite, just stared at his owner, with that little ant smile.

Like a little troll.

Back with the group.

"Maud and I better get going too. I want her to taste the rock candy we're gonna use for our _best friend necklaces_! Aw, yeah!" Pinkie Pie said, hoof pumping the air. She began to leave with Maud.

When they were out of earshot from the group, Maud began talking to Pinkie in her usual monotone voice.

"I really like that Cake friend of yours. He is… amusing to say the least." She said with a _REALLY_ small smile on her face.

"Ooh! Big sis has got a cru-ush!" Pinkie teased nudging into her side. Nothing short of a small blush appeared on Maud's face as she said this.

Back with the group, RD was talking with Cake.

"So? What do you think they're talking about?" Rainbow Dash asked, glancing between both Cake and the fading Pie sisters.

"Probably about rock candy or whatever. I don't even know." Cake said shrugging his shoulders.

"Ok… and what do you think of Maud?" RD asked with a teasing smile.

Cake didn't catch her drift.

"Boring." Was his flat out answer. _"And I REALLY like boring apparently."_ He thought to himself with a hidden smile behind his words. Didn't want anypony thinking Cake was getting soft around the edges.

That was just terrible.

Rainbow Dash looked at him in a sort of glare like fashion. "Better not let Pinkie hear ya say that. Don't think she'd take it well." She said carefully.

Cake popped to attention. "Hm? Oh yeah, I won't." He said, stopping his line of thought.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"You like her don't you." She said, finally training her eyes on him.

"How'd you find that out already?!" He asked surprised, and frightened. Mainly frightened. Knowing Rainbow, she might do something extreme with info like that.

"I didn't. You just told me." She stuck her tongue out at him. She then continue talking. "Don't worry bro, your secret's safe with me. Remember that time you saw me crash? And how you said you wouldn't tell anypony? Think of this as a thanks." She said, sticking her hoof out in a bro-like fashion.

He gladly accepted.

Then he realized something.

"Wait… The others are talking and we just ignored them. For like… 3 minutes. Let's just pop in and say we know what they're talking about." Cake said lamely, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah." Rainbow said, turning her attention towards the group.

"-maybe if we spend some time with her one-on-one to try to get to know her better, I'm pretty sure we'll be making those best friend necklaces in no time." Twilight had just finished speaking.

"_Wait… one-on-one? Buck me._

**-THIS IS A LINE-**

**How'd you like it? Chapter two will be up soon. Please RnR or PM if you have an requests on what Cake should do. Remember, Cake is Better Burned. So you can have him screw up to an easy task, or make it world shattering! As well, screw up in romance, jobs, life itself!**

**And then there is the off chance he will actually succeed in something. This has a fifty percent chance. It all depends on what you think everypony!**

**See ya next time in "Cake is Better Burned: Don't Maud off to me" terrible pun, I know. But I couldn't think of anything else! I swears it!**

**Drop The Act. Put On A Smile is out.**


	2. The Lie Is The Pie

**I did say soon. Anywho~ Here it is people, a really crappy romance, mixed with other genres... yay. I usually put most of the important stuff at the bottom A/N so yeah.**

**-THIS IS A LINE!-**

_"Yeah. Ok."_

_~ Cake Mix_

Cake jumped on to a table nearby, lifted his hooves in the air and stood on his hind legs and shouted to the heavens above. "I, Cake Mix, am the lost Element of Harmony! FROSTING!"

Pinkie Pie just stared at the stallion in front her, never imagining he would do something like this. She then snorted, which turned into full blown laughter. "Bahaha! Do it again! Do it again!" She applauded.

Maud. Just sat there, her small smile twitching.

_"So close!"_ Cake thought to himself.

_"I WILL make her laugh!"_ He finished.

He grunted, did his 'lost element' speech again, and gradually fell on to his face.

Balance was not his forte.

That, and he WAS on his hind legs, only Lyra could do that.

"Gah! By dose! By dose!" He screamed, gripping his face with both hooves.

Pinkie Pie was still laughing.

Maud Pie was still... something.

Anyway.

"Achoo! Gah... That hurt. Anyway... why'd I have ta be first Pinks? Granite and I were going to make the biggest. Most awesome. Epicly designed cake in the world of cakes... and cupcakes." Cake Mix said, rubbing his nose out a little more after sneezing.

Pinkie looked between both Maud and Cake, a plan forming in her brain. "Easy silly! You're the only _boy_ so I thought. Why not?! He's special in this case." She said with a wide smile.

Maud caught on to what she was doing. The MOMENT she began. Alas, she chose not to say anything.

Cake. Had no idea what secret plan was going down, he only knew, he was going to ask her for _help_.

Cake sighed, looked at Maud with a new-found determination and asked straight out. "Maud? Since apparently you're stuck with me for the next few hours. How would you. Like to make the coolest cake in HISTORY?!" He began raising his voice after each word, until he was shouting at the end.

Maud was silent for a minute.

Then two.

Three.

Four.

Oh Celestia if you say fi- "sure." Came her deadpanned response.

Pinkie Pie smiled at her acceptance, turned away from them and snickered evilly,it was going all too well!

Wait. Pinkie Pie thought for a moment.

Things _never_ go well with Cake.

She turned back around to stop them, only to see nopony. They already left.

"Darnit!" She zoomed off in a direction she thinks they went.

**Elsewhere, the most awkward walk ever.**

"So... How about that weather?" Cake said awkwardly, staring forward.

"It's fine. I guess." Maud said.

"Cool. Cool..." Cake replied. He did not want to make any eye contact. That would make things worse.

"Are you single?" Maud suddenly said from literally no where.

Well, it got two things from Cake. A huge coughing fit that has yet to cease, and the biggest blush you've ever seen on a stallion. Ever.

He was still coughing.

Is it normal to cough this long?

Can you even blush blue?

Wait.

No you can't.

Oh Celestia! He's choking!

Maud immediately hit him hard on the back, stopping his coughing fit, and successfully hurting him.

"Gah, my back!" His pupils shrunk to pins at the sudden pain.

"W-*cough*-what was the question? Ow..." He said while rubbing the now sore area.

Proves he doesn't pay attention in awkward situations huh?

"Nevermind..." Maud said, her eyes dimming just a little. Not like Cake noticed, he was to busy rubbing his back, eyes finally growing back to normal size.

The two continued their walk, only exchanging few words.

It sucked.

Well, until the author decided to do something about this boring situation.

"I'm sure Pinkie Pie meant doctorate, or whatever, but I heard you were getting your 'rocktorate' in rock science." Cake said, trying to ease the awkward fog.

Maud's eyes never lit up so fast. Well, they looked like they lit up? Right? Celestia, I can't even tell with her.

"Yeah. My whole life, I've studied rocks, types and formations. I've never NOT been fascinated with them." She said, excitedly? Could you even call it that?

"I hear you. I've been in love with baking cakes since I was a colt. It's quite literally, all I've known." He said with a depressed sigh.

Maud noticed this, and with her monotone speaking ways, "-what's wrong Cake?" She asked.

Cake looked to her for the first time the entire trip, and tears were brimming his eyes.

"My family disowned me when I burned my first cake. It was supposed to come 'naturally'. At the time, it just didn't come to me." He looked down and sighed again.

"I've been living here since I was just a little colt. Miss Zecora took me in for a few years, then I moved out. Closer to home I guess." He said, before he stopped suddenly.

"Zecora?" Maud asked.

"She's a zebra that lives in the Everfree Forest. Anyway, we're here!" His depression suddenly gone as he opened the door to this... house?

Maud looked at her surroundings and it... was actually nice.

It was a small one story house a few miles out of Ponyville, but... the nature around it was amazing.

All kinds of fauna grew around his house, especially these cute looking blue flowers. Maud made her way closer to the blue flower, and reached out to pick one, only to be stopped by Cake's hoof.

"I wouldn't touch that!" He said, panicked.

"Why not?" Maud's monotone voice asked.

"That's Poison Joke... gah... It's a sick twisted little thing that plays 'jokes' on whoever touches them. I would know... I was on the receiving end once." He shuddered... he never let go of her hoof.

Maud noticed, she just wasn't sure if he did.

"What happened?" She asked, well more like said. I really can't tell with her voice! Oh Celestia what is wrong with me!

"Well... I guess I can tell you, you ARE Pinkie's sister, so why not. It all began-"

_Flashback (Cake's Memory)_

_"Blah blah blah rhyming blah blah beware!" Zecora said as she faded into the mist._

_"Beware of what? Her breath?" Rainbow Dash said sarcastically._

_She turned to Cake whom was rolling in the blue flowers and raised an eyebrow. "Uh... Cake? You alright?"_

_"Dude... these flowers... are so... soft..." He said in a trance like state._

_"Well, Cake's gone." Rainbow said as she landed and picked him off the ground, to place him on her back._

_She landed in the blue flowers, just like everypony else. Minus Applebloom, cause she's too cool for that._

_"Your fur... is just smooth Rainbow... I never noticed how attractive you were before now... Heheh... attractive like a magnet." He giggled as he felt her... This was highly awkward for Rainbow Dash._

_"Yeah. He's gone. He'd never call me attractive! Er... not that I'm not or anything." She said. Mainly to herself than the others._

_They all made their separate ways home. Of course, since Cake was bitten by that spider, RD was going to have to take care of hi-_

"When did you get bit by a spider? You never mentioned that." She said. They had moved their way into the kitchen and sat at the table as Cake kept talking.

"It was an hour before the flower thing. Anyway-"

_RD was going to have to take care of him. The pegasus sighed as she flew to her house in the air._

_"Why can't you just tell us where you live. It'd make it easier on me!" She grunted a little as she flew upwards with him._

_"Shh... it's a secret! Secrets like how I liked Rainbow Dash... shh... don't tell her blue pony. She'll probably get mad! Heheh..." He giggled once more into her back._

_"Liked?! You used to like m- I mean Rainbow Dash?" She asked, they both finally reached her home in the clouds._

_Cake rolled off of her and onto the soft cloud. "Yeah... right after she saved me from falling at that one competition thing. Or was it Rarity? I can't remember heheh... All I know was, she took my breath away..." He said sleepily._

_A small blush was apparent on Rainbow Dash, but Cake was too out of it to realize, let alone care. She shook her head of 'what could have been' thoughts and picked up Cake once more and brought her to her room._

"I'm not sure I want to hear what happens next." Maud said a little dejectedly. Fearing Cake may harbor some feelings left for the rainbow maned pegasi.

Cake burst out laughing. "Oh no no no! Heavens, she only laid me down next to her and we were both out. Well, I more so then her. I don't like her like that now anyway, it was just a minor 'hero' crush. Anyway, this is where it gets good-"

_Rainbow Dash woke up, holding onto a furry pillow._

_Wait._

_Memories came flooding back._

_She ripped open her eyes and saw the back of Cake's head. She slowly, and awkwardly, let go of her one-sided hug and pushed herself off of the bed. She tried catching herself, but she couldn't, in fact, she fell on the ground/cloud._

_"That's weird. Must be off balance today." She said to herself._

_This elicited a response from Cake, whom had woken up._

_"What was that Rainbow?" A mare's voice sounded from Cake._

_Rainbow looked up at the strangers voice, and nearly screamed._

_Cake was Cake... but not Cake. If that makes sense._

_"You're a mare!" Very subtle Rainbow._

_If there is anything that could wake anypony up faster than that, please. Tell me._

_Cake Mix burst from his/her spot on the bed to the nearest bathroom, and looked in a mirror._

_Indeed. He was now a she._

_"GAH!" Her girly scream echoed throughout the house._

"Heheh!" Maud giggled.

Wait.

What.

Cake just stared at her, delighted she was finally doing something other than that annoying small smile.

_"I WIN! SUCCESS!"_ Cake shouted in his head. Or so he thought.

Just kidding. He only said it in his head.

Maud calmed down and looked at the stallion in front of her with a new light.

If his hoof pumping was anything to go by, her small bout of laughter made him this happy.

"You were a mare?" Maud asked, looking a Cake with a smile, a normal. Actual. By the books, smile.

"Yeah. For a whole day, I had to trot around like that. I think I got used to it after an hour or two... I can't remember though." Cake shrugged.

"So? If I were to touch that Poison Joke, I'd turn into a stallion?" She questioned.

Cake shrugged. Again. "I don't know, it varies between ponies. Fluttershy _sounded_ like a stallion, AJ shrunk, Twilight went limp... heheh... Rainbow Dash sucked at a lot of stuff, and Rarity? I can't remember. Eh. Your sist-" He was cut off.

"Had her tongue swollen. Yeah she told me what happened to her. I just didn't believe it." Maud said staring directly at Cake.

"Yeah. Granite touched one once, turned into a giant fire breathing ant, had to save Ponyville from him, but that's another story. Speaking of the little bugger... where is he?" Cake said, getting up from his seat.

The little 'bugger' was on the counter, with it's legs crossed.

"Oh come on. Don't give me that look. I got distracted!" Cake said, staring at the ant.

It's antenna's twitched and Cake sighed.

"Looks like our time's up-" he turned to Maud and stuck out a hoof. "-It was nice meeting yo-" Instead of for accepting the hoof-shake, she pulled him into a _really_ awkward hug.

"It was _great_ meeting you Cake." She sighed into the hug. She has yet to let go.

A minute passed.

Two.

Thr- Not this again!

Cake pulled out of the hug slowly.

"Um... yeah..." She stared straight into his eyes and inched forward slowly. Her muzzle getting closer to his, her eyelids closing gently.

Her lips gently touched his, before a knock sounded at the door. And a voice as well.

"Cake! Do you live here?!" A familiar voice asked.

Cake was too dazed to notice however, a blush, a red one this time, formed on his face slowly.

Maud leaned back and looked at the stallion with a smile before going to the door. She opened it, revealing none other than Pinkie. Who'd you expect? Spike?

"Oh there you are Maud! Does Cake live here? Oh wait duh. You're here, so that means he is too! I was looking all over for you... I don't remember why though. Oh well! Come on! We have to let you meet Rarity!" Pinkie said. Primarily all in one breath.

Maud smiled and walked out the door, closing it gently behind her.

Cake, on the other side, was still frozen.

Granite crawled up his left fore-hoof and... into his eye. "AGH!" Yay. Unfrozen.

"Okay! Okay! Fine... let's bake that cake... dumb ant... AGH! STOP BITING ME!"

Maud giggled slightly before walking with Pinkie to Rarity's Boutique.

**Timeskip**

"Goody, you're all here! Maud is out looking for rocks, so this is the perfect time for us to set up everything we'll need to make our best friend rock candy necklaces!" Pinkie exclaimed to the other six standing before her.

Five of them glanced nervously at each other. Cake however spoke up. "I'm game." And shrugged his shoulders.

This caused Pinkie Pie to clap her hooves excitedly, then she looked towards the rest of her friends. They weren't exactly _smiling with joy_.

"What's wrong?" She asked expectantly.

"Well... I'm not sure if it's the best time to make best friend rock candy necklaces." Twilight said looking downwards.

Cake Mix looked at the invisible audience with a raised brow. "Say that ten times fast." He then turned back towards the group.

"W-why not?" Pinkie Pie asked, her eyes widening ever so slightly.

"Well, darling, you see..." Rarity began, she just couldn't find it in herself to say the rest however.

"You're ever so thoughtful to share your special bonding ritual with us, but, uh..." Same as Fluttershy.

It was Applejack who spoke up next. It was the element of Honesty to lay it on her. She sighs before speaking. "The truth is sugarcube, we'eve been tryin' real hard to get closer to Maud, but, well... maybe someponies just don't click the way others do." She said, taking off her hat and looked towards Pinkie with sympathetic eyes.

"I-I don't understand." Pinkie stated. Tears beginning to form around the edges of her eyes.

Applejack continued, no matter how much it hurt her to say it. "We just wouldn't feel right makin' somethin' that means we're best friends if, well, we aren't."

Pop.

Pinkie's mane deflated as she just stared at the ponies in front of her. Cake Mix as well looked at the group, his jaw open.

"I did NOT see that coming." He whispered to himself.

Pinkie Pie wiped a stray tear from her face and began to talk. "Oh... Okay... If anypony needs me... I'll be in here... trying to figure out what to do with two hundred pounds of rock candy." She said as she lowered her and walked slowly back into Sugar Cube Corner.

Cake sighed and spoke up. "Might as well help her, I'll see you guys later." He trotted into SCS as well and closed the door behind him.

**Inside SCS**

"I don't understand! I thought everything was going along greatly..." Pinkie said, stuffing a hoof-full of rock candy into her mouth.

"Well, not all ponies get along... I think. Unless friendship is magic or some crazy hullabaloo. Anyway. Pinkie, I don't understand either. I mean sure. She bored the hay outta me. Rarely said a word, but she was cool! I like her. Heck, Granite even likes her." Cake said, popping a single piece of rock candy in his mouth at a time.

Granite sitting on his shoulder, picking away at a single piece.

He nodded with what Cake said.

Pinkie sighed. Her mane still deflated.

"Well, you could always, like, build some sort of contraption in under thirty minutes that represents everything you know and it could be some sort of bonding moment or something. Doubt it'll work though, I mean I'm pretty sure it'd take at least a week for that. And we don't have that kind of time." Cake said popping yet another piece in his mouth.

He didn't hear the pop from Pinkie's mane.

**Thirty Minutes Later**

"What. The. Buck." Was all Cake said as he stared at the contraption in front of him.

"Uh. Pinkie? If you did this in thirty minutes... What would you do if you actually had a week?" He asked Pinkie, he didn't receive an answer.

Instead, he received an order.

"Go get Maud! I'll go get the girls!" She shouted and zoomed off.

"Wait! Where... is she. Yeah. Ok." It was too late, Pinkie Pie had already left the immediate area.

He sighed and began walking in a random direction.

Only seventeen hoof-steps and there she was.

Prodding at a rock.

Figures.

Eh, I've seen weirder.

"Hey Maud! Pinkie wanted me to grab you for something." Cake shouted as he trotted to her.

At her name, Maud turned to it's caller, and smiled.

Cake.

"Oh. Hello Cake." She said... once more in that monotone voice.

"Yes yes, hello and all that, let's go." He said in a hurried tone.

"I _really_ do not want to be late." He said as he grabbed on to her hoof.

He really didn't notice this? Again? And just like before, Maud did.

Cake is NOT perceptive.

Maud blushed lightly at the sudden contact, but followed still.

To a strange looking contraption.

"Well. This is interesting." Maud said, staring at the mountain of rocks before her.

Really? The tube with applesauce didn't get her attention?

Whatever.

"Yeah, I know. I saw Pinkie build the entire thing. She works fas-" He was interrupted by a sudden voice.

"I call it 'Pinkie-Rainbow-Cake-Rari-Twi-Flutter-Maud Fun Time'!" Pinkie said hopping towards the duo with the rest of the gang.

"No!" Cake shouted suddenly.

Pinkie looked at him and tilts her head. "Huh?"

"I am not calling it 'Pinkie-Raincake-Twari-Flutterjack...' whatever! That name is just agh... It hurts." Cake says rubbing his head with a hoof.

Pinkie stared at him for a minute.

Then two.

Three.

Fou- Stop!

Then she stuck her tongue out at him. "To bad! I already got legal papers for the name~ see?" She pulls out a parchment of paper from nowhere... and indeed. The papers were signed by the mayor.

"Gah! Fine..." Cake said in defeat. Again.

Rainbow Dash looked between the two in utter confusion. "Huh?!" She said/sounded.

Pinkie Pie looks towards RD and starts speaking in an excited tone. "It combines everypony's favorite interests into one giant activity that we can all enjoy together and that will totally bring all of my bestest friends together as bestestest friends! You'll ne-"

"Yeah. Bestestest and bestest aren't words Pinkie. That I'm sure." Cake said. In attempt to get revenge for last time.

"If they aren't words, how come you just said them?" She said, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Wha- GAH!" Rage face put on.

"Anywho~ You'll need these." She finishes and pulls out multiple outrageous outfits.

"Like I said: huh?!" Rainbow said again, confusion written all on her face.

"Probably better for me to show you. Watch this! Applesauce tunnel for Applejack-"  
she says as she swims through applesauce.

Gross.

"-pretty shiny stuff for Rarity-" She adds as she jumps in a pile of... are those glittery towels?

"-reading material for Twilight-" She puts in as she jumps through piles of books. Must to the disdain of Twilight.

"-critter time for Fluttershy-" She says as she puts down all face cards. The bear she was sitting next to roars in defeat.

"-cupcakes for yours truly-" She jumps into a ball filled with Zero-G cupcakes and eats one.

"-rock candy for Cake-" She jumps into a small pool filled to the brim with rock candy and eats some. "I don't even like candy!" Cake shouts.

Pinkie Pie ignores him and proceeds to speak. "Anywho~ and it's a race for Rainbow Dash!" She said as she began sprinted towards a mountain of rocks.

"Um Pinkie Pie? What is _that_?" Twilight asked from her spot on the ground next to the entire group.

Wait?

Where's Cake?

Eh. Whatever, he'll be back later.

"A rock slide of course! For Maud! First you climb then you slide!" Pinkie said, making her way up the highly unstable looking mountain. No fear was placed on her however, for she was Pinkie, and this was for her friends.

Suddenly her hoof jabbed into a loose rock, getting it stuck in the process. "Huh?" She asked herself. She pulled on it a bit, straining to do so. She didn't see the vibrations she was causing.

"Oh goodness!" Fluttershy screamed? As she saw the one giant rock that was on top began making it's way down to Pinkie. Which I question, because the angle the rock was at, would have caused it to fall the other way. Whatever though.

"Watch out!" Applejack shouts next to Fluttershy, worry written all on her face.

"Huh? What do you me- AHH! HELP!" Pinkie screams as she looks at her friends and then the giant boulder coming down on her.

Nopony saw Maud move, she was like the wind as she made her way over to Pinkie. She hopped up faster than anypony else could manage, even Pinkie, and began hitting the giant rock into oblivion. Quite literally. She's like a fricken jackhammer. She then punched the one rock that caused her sister to get stuck, obliterating it.

Overkill anyone?

She began walking, along with Pinkie, down the rock mountain. Once they reached the bottom, Maud hugs Pinkie Pie "Pinkie? What were you thinking?" She asked the younger mare.

Pinkie Pie looks at her older sister and then looks down. "I guess I wasn't..."

Maud sighs and let's go of the hug. "I know how important it is to you that _your_ friends become _my_ friends, but I just don't think it's going to happen. It worked with Cake yeah, but I think it would be best if I just go back to the rock farm and spend the rest of the week there. It was nice to meet you all. Makes me happy knowing Pinkie Pie has such good friends." She says as she walks past the group of five. Who were looking at each other in confusion.

"Cake's her friend? When'd that happen?" Rainbow Dash whispered to Applejack, who just shrugged.

Pinkie Pie looks at her retreating sister. She suddenly lunges forward. "Wait! We never even got to make rock candy necklaces... Wait Maud! I'll come with you!" Just like how they met, Pinkie Pie is leaving with Maud. Again.

**Meanwhile, with Cake**

"Oh Celestia... why I do these things. I don't even know... Huff..." Cake managed out, as he was pulling a cart with a huge cover over something. Granite, just sitting on his shoulders.

"You could at least help!" He shouted towards the ant, not really expecting an answer.

"Oh gosh... I need to lay off the cake man... can't even pull a... huff... a cart." He said to himself as he continued his way towards Pinkie's activity contraption.

Well, he would have continued, if it wasn't for the five mares sadly walking by him.

"Oh. Hey Cake..." Rainbow said as she hovered along next to the group.

"What's up RD?" Cake asked, letting go of his cart for a moment.

"Maud left with Pinkie Pie." She said before catching up with the rest of the group.

...

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME! GAH! MOTHER BUCKING SON OF A... I WASTED 4 HOURS MAKING THIS! THEN SHE UPS AND... GAH! Stupid..." He shouts to the world, attracting attention from everypony near him.

He grabs on to the cart once more.

And began dragging it the other way towards Twilight's tree house.

At least he'll be able to share it with his other friends. Right?

**Ten Minutes Later**

He grumbles under his breathe as he makes his way. He looks up and notices he's there. "Finally..." He mutters before pushing open the door.

He leaves the cart outside because it's too big to fit through.

"Twilight! You in here?! Rainbow?" He asks as he walks through the door.

Nothing.

But a note on the other side of the door.

He picks it up and reads it aloud.

_"Dear Cake,_

_We have an idea on what can make us Maud's friend. If you want to come, we left to the train station 10 minutes ago. It doesn't leave for another twenty, so you might want to hurry up. We're going to meet up at Pinkie's Old Rock Farm, if you don't make it._

_Twilight Sparkle_

_P.s Everypony else is wondering how you became Maud's friend. We expect you to tell us when you get here._

He looked at the note.

Stared down at it, more like it.

"... I hate you all. So much." He said. His voice reaching monotone.

He sighs and grabs his cart outside.

And began his way towards the train station.

**At the Train Station 5 Minutes Later**

"H-how come... huff... it was faster to... huff... walk from Twilight's to here... huff... then it was to walk from... never mind... talking hurts... huff." Cake says as he reaches the ramp.

He continues another few feet. Before he's stopped by a stallion in a conductor's hat.

"Sorry sir. Our baggage area is currently full. We'll need to you to board the train _without_ your... cart?" The conductor silenced himself, as he felt the largest glare in the history of glares.

"You. Have. To. Be. Bucking. Kidding. Me." Cake said to the conductor, his weight shifting into his fore hooves.

"I am getting on this train. _WITH_ my cart." He continued.

The conductor gulped before speaking. "I-I'm sorry sir, but I'll n-need you to l-leave it, or you can a-always wait for the second train?" He said nervously, backing away slowly.

"Grr... Screw it! I'll walk." He says finally, grabbing hold of his cart and began walking... again.

He struggled his way by a window, that held five giggling mares. One of them looked out the window and noticed Cake.

"Hey Cake? What are ya doin' walkin'? Get on the train." Applejack said.

Cake ignored her and continued pushing his... really... annoyingly large cart forward.

"Should I grab him?" RD asked, looking at the other mares.

"I don't think he wants to be bothered right now." Fluttershy said quietly. Enough for RD to hear though.

"Eh. Alright." She went back to talking with the other mares.

"**_We'll be leaving the station in... 3 minutes. Everypony, remain in your seats until the train has begun__ moving_.**" The pony over the intercom said.

Cake also heard this from outside the train, and grumbled again. He ignored it however, and continued his way towards the rock farm.

**Approximately 57 Minutes Later**

Cake sat outside of a roadside inn/diner. Talking with a mare.

"Ah'm sorry sug. I don't know no rock farm 'round here." She said, placing an embarrassed smile on.

Cake sighed and stared at the mare. "It's alright. I'll just be on my way then." He said calmly, he then retreated to the outside.

Then started screaming in the air again.

Yeah. He got lost.

**With 5 of the Mane 6**

"Wow. That train ride was calmer than usual." Fluttershy said, small smile in place.

"That's because Cake wasn't on it this time, remember? He always yells at the service on these things." RD said seriously "if you ask me, it was kind of boring this time around." She added.

The five got off of the train, and weren't all that appalled by the sight in front of them. I mean, Pinkie already told them what it was like, so of course they'd be used to the sight... without ever actually seeing it before now... Ugh... I hate this logic so much. Oh well.

**Back with Cake**

"Ok? So you _don't_ know where any rock farms are?" Cake asked cautiously. The stallion in front of him... of probably lesser intelligence than a parasprite.

"Nnope." He said.

"Yeah. Ok. That's all I needed." Cake said. Rubbing his temples.

"Eeyup." The stallion said.

"You remind me of a guy I know back home."

"Eeyup."

"Yea just like him. Is that really all you say?"

"Nnope."

"Forget it. I'm out."

"Eeyup."

"Will you shut up?!"

"Nnope."

And this continued for the remainder of the day.

**With the Mane 6**

"That's a pretty good thing to have in common. Don't you think so Maud?" Twilight had just finished asking.

"Sure." Was Maud's only reply. Though you couldn't see it. She was lightly depressed that Cake didn't come to visit.

The group looked between each other, none of them saying anything. That is until Pinkie Pie spoke up.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking at her friends.

"Sorry, darling. I think we all just thought she'd be a bit more excited about this." Rarity was the first one to speak. Though she did have a point. Not a good one, but a point.

"Are you kidding me? I've never seen her more excited in my entire life!" Pinkie Pie spoke for her sister.

Maud did not smile. Like usual, only less aggravating this time around. She spoke up though. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't show my enthusiasm for things quite in the same way my sister does." She said, looking at everypony with that... small smile... sigh. I really wish there was more to go by, but eh.

Pinkie Pie was too busy in the background doing summersaults.

"So. Where's Cake?" Maud finally asked.

You could hear a thud, indicating Pinkie had landed on her face, before "yeah? Where is he?"

Twilight shrugged, along with the rest of the group. "Last we saw him was before the train ride. He had a really large cart with a tarp covering something." RD said finally, looking at Maud.

"Why?" RD added with a teasing smile.

The small blush on Maud's cheeks was the only answer she needed.

**Once more unto the Cake**

"You're under arrest for the failure of not owning a cake-transferring permit." The stallion wearing a sheriff's hat said, putting on hoof-cuffs around a struggling Cake Mix's hooves.

"Oh come on! I didn't even know there was such a thing!" Cake said, eating dirt.

The sheriff led him to a small looking building, green painted walls, and a an old porch. He led him inside, showing three cells next to the other.

"You'll spend two days in this cell..." The sheriff said.

"Oh thank Celes-" Was all he got out before the sheriff said something else.

"... before we find out if the town wants another execution." The sheriff finished.

"Oh come on! It was just a cake dude!" Cake complained.

"It's going in the evidence locker." The sheriff said sternly, throwing Cake into a cell before locking it.

Cake got onto his hooves and looked at him. "Dude, it's three times our size, I doubt it's going to fit in... a locker..." Cake said, going wide eyed as somehow a deputy put the entire cake into a locker without ruining it's perfection.

**Two Days Later**

"-and my proud citizens of Trotterdale, this is why we must have this stallion freed! For the cake!" The stallion wearing a ghetto mayor get-up screamed into a megaphone. The entire crowd before him cheered for his less than great speech.

Cake, let his jaw hit the ground.

Had his cake returned to him.

Then not even fifteen minutes later, got arrested again for picking up a map left on the ground.

"You're under arrest for thievery-"

"Oh come on!"

"Nah. I'm just kidding."

"What. Dude... you have that serious voice... that everypony is going to take seriously... don't joke around... ever... it's creepy."

"Get the buck out of my town."

"Okay!"

**An hour later**

"Are you kidding me! It was right here the whole time?!" Cake yelled, walking up to a small house.

"-it was great meeting you all." Maud's monotonous voice sounded from behind the door.

"It was great meeting you too Maud!" And everypony else's too.

Cake began pushing his cart to the door, still huffing and puffing just like before. He reached it, and knocked.

"Who could that be?" Pinkie asked on the other side.

"I don't know, Maud? Was anypony else coming to see you go?" Twilight asked.

"Not that I know of."

"Just open the bucking door!" Cake shouted, he was getting tired of all this waiting. Seriously.

"Cake!" The door almost ripped off it's hinges as Pinkie opened the door and screamed in his face.

His face.

Oh gosh... is that a beard growing?

Oh my... he looks mad.

Oh dude...

Were everyponie's thoughts on Cake as he walked through the door grumbling about stupid laws and other things.

RD was the first to speak up. "Uh... dude? You alr-"

"No I'm not alright. I'm no where NEAR alright. I got arrested for not having a permit I didn't even know existed!" Cake shouted, interrupting RD.

"Ooh, you mean the cake-transferring permits they made everypony get last year?" Pinkie said with a smile.

Cake's eye twitched, but he did not scream.

"Yeesh. What happened to you par'ner?" AJ asked.

"I just said... grr... never mind. I was _arrested_ for not carrying a permit..." Was all he said. He was so tempted to yell. Alas, he just couldn't bring himself to.

"Jail changed you. You don't scream as much any more! Haha." Rainbow Dash said, while laughing.

The others giggled lightly as well.

"I hate you all so much." Cake said seriously, before a small smile formed on his face as he began laughing as well.

Maud was silent the whole time. Staring at Cake with... something, in her eyes. Affection? Lust? No idea.

Anywho, she walked up to him while he was laughing.

Everypony had their eyes closed. And that is why it was the perfect time for this.

She kissed him, a second time in the same week.

His laughter stopped suddenly, which caused everybody to look at why he stopped.

"Ooh... I get it, that's why they're friends." RD said with a grin.

"I was wondering myself." Twilight said back, the air in the room was getting awkward, so Cake opened his eyes and saw everypony staring at him.

And somepony's lips on his as well.

Well, his initial reaction would be to scream.

But as soon as he saw who it was, he inwardly shrugged.

_"Is this seriously how friends greet each other?" _Cake thought to himself.

_"Man, I feel like a jerk now... not doing this to the_ _girls."_ Cake added to his thoughts.

_"Yeah. Ok. I'll do it later."_

He's not all that smart either.

Sure, earlier he said he liked her. But he really meant as a friend.

He has no clue about romance. After that, he only blushed at the sudden contact! It's weird, the invasion of personal space.

Now, he's not blushing because he's tired, he's been through a lot, and now he think's this is how friend's greet each other.

Like I said, he's not all that smart.

Wow.

They must really be best friends if she holds it for this long.

Huh.

Ok.

_"Yeah. Okay." _He thought to himself.

Still going.

Still going.

Still going...

Gosh.

Cake gently pushes her off of him. Her lids halfway open. She whispered loud enough for only him to hear.

"Come with me. I'll just say you're my apprentice." She says. Practically pleading him.

"I'll have to teach you a bit of rock science, but it could work." She continued.

Cake just stared at her in confusion.

**With Everypony else**

"Um. Are we going to do anything about this?" RD said, staring at the two.

"What do ya mean surgarcube?" AJ asked the cyan pegasi.

"I mean, it's obvious Maud likes him and all, but I don't think Cake feels the same. _Even if he said so himself."_ She said, though the part to herself.

"I mean, look at him." She pointed her hoof at Cake's reaction, it was that of just confusion more than love.

In fact, I don't see any love in his face, seriously. Just utter confusion.

"Maybe he's just confused?" Fluttershy said. Practically copying what I just said a few seconds ago.

"Well, I don't know? He seems ok with it. Maybe we sho-"

"Yeah. Okay." Cake said.

RD looked at the two, now her face riddled in confusion. "Huh? What'd he just agree to?"

Cake walked over to the group. Confusion gone, now replaced with a content look. "So, I'm going to be going with Maud for a while. I'll probably be back in a few months? I don't even know. Anyway, I'd like you to take care of Granite for me Fluttershy." Cake said, surprising the group with his news.

Maud trotted next to him, and with a small smile began speaking. "Yes. He'll be coming with me, though, I wish it was for longer. Guess I'll have to make do." She sighed, looked at Cake, and kissed his cheek.

Cake, still thought this was just a friend invitation.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack were silent.

Fluttershy and Pinkie had their mouths open.

Rarity, I don't even know.

Twilight just stared at her friend(s). "Don't you two think this is a little too soon?"

Cake looked at her, pat her shoulder, and spoke in an oddly calm tone. "Nothing is too soon for friendship dude."

Yeah. Cake had not an ounce of the romantic in him.

Twilight shook her head, this was just so confusing.

Why would the author write something like this?!

"I just need to, like, pack my bags... which are home... and... stupid. Pinkie!" He shouted.

The pink mare saluted. "Yessir?!"

"Can you do your magical reality bending stuff and just go to my house and gra-"

"Here ya go~!" She said, pulling out several suit-cases from nowhere.

Cake was frozen in that image. Hoof out. Mouth open as if he was talking. Left eye twitching.

He then began regaining his calm. "Grr... Never mind... thank you Pinkie." He said, lowering his hoof, which was right in front of a stunned Twilight.

"N-next time Cake... BACK AWAY! You almost hit me!" Twilight shouted, glaring at the idiotic stallion.

Cake blinked. "Yeah. Okay."

**-THIS IS A LINE!-**

**So this is chapter two redone. I changed _ALOT_** **if you haven't realized. If you haven't the first time writing this chapter is just a bit below. This isn't the ending, so apparently I lied about that. This is a three-shot now. I _really _would appreciate it if you voted on how this ends. Will he have luck on his side? Or will he just get burned? I don't know, and I would love to find out. Anyway, remember, you can still give up episodes you'd want Cake to ruin/be in. I'm always listening, and am open to _any_ ideas.**

**Just put in the name of the episode in either a review or pm and I'll have Cake make his way into it. Remember, you can also give off a few details so I know where to start :P If it's like:**

**Reviewer: I want you to do the episode "Luna Eclipsed".**

**Then I'll just do the episode. However if you do this:**

**Reviewer: Could you do the episode "Call of the Cutie" and like make Cake Mix a colt so he can join the CMC?**

**I'll do just that! Specifics people, specifics.**

**Anyway, without further ado, the original chapter 2 ending:**

"-rock candy for Cake-" She jumps into a small pool filled to the brim with rock candy and eats some. "I don't even like candy!" Cake shouts.

"No~ but you like my sister." She sticks out her tongue yet again.

"No I don't!" He shouts back.

Now imagine a record just suddenly stopping.

Maud, standing next to him, leaves her mouth agape.

Another emotion appeared on her face that day.

Utter heartbreak.

Cake wasn't done yet though.

"She has to be the most boring mare I have ever met! She doesn't talk at all that much, and you six know it! Do you know how hard it was just for me to get her to giggle? Giggle! I don't like her, not one bit." Cake said seriously, staring directly at Pinkie Pie.

"Because I bucking love her." He said finally, looking at the mare in mention.

He knew what he said would hurt her, but he's an honest guy. He loves boring, he loves silence, and he loves the fact he was the only one to get her to giggle.

He loves her.

Pinkies mane was just about to deflate during Cake's rant... but it didn't after what Cake has just admitted.

Everypony else, well let's just name them one by one.

Rainbow was about to hit him.

Fluttershy might of used 'The Stare' on him to get him to stop.

Twilight might have teleported him out of there.

Rarity? No idea.

Pinkie, exactly as mentioned above.

And Maud.

She was going to cry, the tears were about to fall, but that all changed when he said the 'L' word.

She looked at him, and stared into his soul.

Then hit him so hard upside the head, I'm pretty sure Trottingham could hear it.

She then began to leave. "I'm leaving."

But...

She wasn't going alone. She grabbed Cake's unconscious hoof and started dragging him with her.

**Tell me which one you prefer, or what I need to work on. I'm open to everything!**

**Tata now~**

**Drop The Act. Put On A Smile.**

**P.S. For those of you who were confused. "Don't Maud off to Me" was a terrible pun in reference to "Don't Mouth off to Me".**


End file.
